Mat success helped a young Merlos deal with loss of father

Photo: Emery Merlos age 10, won the 2024 Rocky Mountain Nationals Championship in June.

By Bill X. Barron

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Note: This is an expanded version of a story that was published in the recent issue of WIN-Magazine.

The essence of grit is the willpower to endure hardship and the fortitude to persevere through obstacles. Those who have the courage to face life and any opposition head-on with no excuses inspire every one of us to reach for our best.

After just a few months of wrestling and as the youngest entrant in 10U 80 pounds., Emery Merlos won her first tournament, the California State Freestyle Championship. This spring, she earned the state triple crown by winning freestyle, folkstyle, and Greco.

If you were in Las Vegas for the 2024 RMN National Championship on June 29th, you might have witnessed an exceptionally focused 10-year-old girl from Orange County (CA) win six matches in 40 minutes at five weight classes in three age groups on separate mats. (Recently, she also won her second national BJJ championship and went 15-0 on a boys 15U duals team at a national tournament in the Midwest.)

When reviewing her brackets before the RMN Nationals competition, she reassured her mother, Carolina, by proclaiming: “I’m ready. I got this.”

After the RMN national finals, you would have seen Emery pose with an astounding collection of awards: four first-place trophies, one runner-up trophy, and three Triple Crown trophies (each weighing 20 pounds) where a wrestler needs to win three titles in different states, including RMN Nationals, in the same age group and weight class.

Emery, who only started wrestling seventeen months ago, finished as a 2024 RMN national champion at 10U Girls 80 pounds.; a Triple Crown winner and champion at 9U Boys 85 pounds, 10U Girls HWT and 12U Girls 80 pounds and a second-place finisher at 9U Boys 81 pounds. Emery was also named the Women’s Outstanding Wrestler, the only female wrestler recognized out of 126 girls’ place-winners in 10U, 12U, 15U, and 18U.

“I love RMN for the family-oriented atmosphere they create,” said her mom who brackets her in as many brackets as possible “to test her capacity, to see what she can withstand. It’s not for the trophies but for toughening her up.”

But then, if you focus only on her accolades (which a humble Emery does not), you will miss the real story behind this first-year wrestler’s exponential ascendance.

On March 21, 2022, Emery lost her father to suicide, a fact she openly acknowledges and accepts. Her mother, Carolina, whose own father was killed when she was one year old, shares:

“We are completely open about every aspect of our lives. Emery does not hide from reality.” Emery said. “I learned to accept that sometimes things happen that are out of my control.”

As an 8-year-old confronting a significant tragedy, her therapist wisely advised redirecting her emotional and physical energy into a competitive, preferably one-on-one, sport.

“At the time,” said Carolina, “Emery felt lost, scared, and very confused. For the first couple of weeks, she shut out everyone and everything.”

“After I joined jiu-jitsu and wrestling, I learned how to manage myself and my feelings,” Emery said.

Relying on her own learned survival skills, Carolina recognized this is what Emery needed.

“Sports activity literally helps her breathe differently,” Carolina said. “I have always encouraged her to find the positive in any situation. While Emery needed time to process her father’s death, I knew the therapist was right; she needed to be involved in something that would get her out of herself.”

Merles, a native of California also competed Brazilian jiu-jitsu under the guidance of Doyle Teel (right).

In July 2022, she started jiu-jitsu at Wolves Den Carson Gracie in Southgate (CA) with her BJJ mentor, Professor Dole Teel, whom she has come to love and respect.

“This young person was lost,” Teel said. “She needed to find stability and gravitate in a new direction. To take hold of the rest of her life, Emery needed a fresh focus. The mat, in BJJ and wrestling, became her happy place.

            “Emery has both high intellectual and emotional IQ with a very acute understanding of how things work. In the heat of the moment, she can receive and implement what a coach calls out. She has uncommon self-confidence that allows her to capitalize on an opponent’s mistake or to redirect her approach mid-match if what she is doing is not working.”

Absence of a father figure opened a new window for Emery, allowing Professor Doyal to become a presence in her life. A master of martial arts, he has become a singular mentor through whom she has learned to find serenity within herself and the discipline to remain focused regardless of the situation or environment. “Everything I do in practice or in a tournament, I consult with him first.”

“Professor is the reason why I am who I am today,” Emery said. “He helped me mature and build good character through discipline. In jiu-jitsu, his voice helps me remain calm and focused. While he’s not there when I am wrestling, he is there with me in spirit. I still hear his advice in my head. For us, this is just the beginning.”

In February 2023, Emery had her first wrestling practice at the suggestion of her Professor.

“To be honest, at first, I did not want to wrestle; my mom put me in it to elevate my jiu-jitsu takedowns,” Emery said. “But after experiencing California Freestyle State, I absolutely fell in love with the sport.

“Wrestling humbled me. It exposed me to both winning and losing, helping me accept that life may not always go my way. Wrestling is not for the weak. It teaches you valuable life lessons through discipline and brings out the best in a person. Maybe wrestling could have helped my dad stay in control of his emotions.”

Off the mat, standing matside with bangs and braids, one would not recognize this sociable girl with an infectious smile as a chilled competitor who literally annihilates her opposition.

Yet one who observes her step on the mat is struck by her ability to totally still her mind in preparation for the moment. Once the whistle blows, she displays an unmistakable boldness in the face of challenge.

 “Emery brings an electric aura to every training session,” private trainer Pete Escandon said.  “It’s hard to describe. She brings a lot of joy to my older athletes and myself, making everyone want to work harder and be a good example for her. And, of course, to not be outworked by her!”

Those who know the life story of Emery Merlos understand her single-minded will to succeed. Seen through the lens of a central life experience, it is clear that this focused competitor has embraced and engaged her strength of character.

Carolina says that “she is her dad’s legacy. He always said: ‘Emery is my strong little prodigy.’”

“Emery embodies what it means to be great, as a competitor and as a person,” said her strength-training coach, Kevin Galima. “Emery has faced adversities and challenges that most of her peers have not experienced. Whether she was ready for it or not, it made her stronger. It has been an honor to be a part of Emery’s journey.”

Not yet a teenager, Emery has acquired the wisdom to transform her loss of a parent into gains in courage and independence. She fights as one who knows that life is short and who wants the most from every moment. At an RMN tournament, she gladly double and triple-brackets “not for actual awards but for the real rewards that come from confronting new challenges.”

Beat the Streets LA coach, Jonathan Santa Maria, concurs.

 “Her ability to face difficulties head-on and continue to strive for success is a testament to her indomitable spirit,” he said. “Emery’s story is not just about personal triumph but also about the profound impact she has had on those around her. Her perseverance and resilience serve as a powerful inspiration to her teammates, family, and community.”

This experience with loss has transformed Emery’s life from one in which she enjoyed her leisure time into an athlete with an insatiable appetite for challenge and the heart of a warrior. Watching her wrestle, you observe a disciplined athlete who remains laser-focused on her objective even when her plan is disrupted.

“Emery has refined her personal hardships into a source of strength and motivation, demonstrating that with grit and determination, one can overcome even the most daunting obstacles. Her journey has been a beacon of hope, encouraging others to pursue their passions despite the odds,” concludes Santa Maria.

Turning obstacles into opportunities is an art that requires a level of maturity not often seen until later years. Through the Professor and her wrestling coaches, Emery has learned to develop grit, which she defines as “the ability to push through and to keep going despite the circumstances.”

“Her perseverance is what I admire most in Emery,” said coach Galima. “Her winning nature is paralleled by her ability to pick herself up after she falls. Emery’s willingness to learn – and the rate at which she grows from her mistakes – is the quality that distinguishes her from her peers.”

When she experiences an infrequent loss, Carolina is quick to remind Emery that “one match does not make a difference; you have lost much more in your life. It’s not a defeat; it’s a learning opportunity.”

“My mom is always in my corner, mentoring me in good or bad situations and pushing me, when necessary,” cites Emery.

Coach Galima describes her mindset differently. “Her most significant competition is always herself. If she is not improving, she will not be satisfied until she does.“

RMN’s administration found this out firsthand at the Bullhead Clash in Arizona this May. A very composed young athlete and her mother approached the head table with a question. They were informed that the match decision could not be reversed, since a winner had been declared, and the wrestlers and coaches had left the mat.

Still, Emery believed the mat table had not scored a second-period reversal signaled by the official, which would have had her winning her last match by a point. Instead, after an out-of-bounds call, he placed Emery back on the bottom.

She asked the director if he could review the match video as a courtesy, not to reverse the decision but simply to confirm that she was right. Her integrity would not even consider this was an additional weight class where she could have won a fourth Triple Crown.

Afterward, the head official told her: “I have never seen a wrestler so resolved by hearing the truth, especially as it was our mistake, not yours. You definitely earned a reversal that was not scored. You deserved to win.”

But all that was important to Emery was to know in her heart she had won.

Wrestling is not the only sport in which Emery is a rapidly rising star. After less than a year of training with the Professor, she won the Pan Kids Jiu-Jitsu IBJJF National Championship in Kissimmee, Florida. In the year 2023, she was acknowledged as a Jiu-Jitsu World League (JJWL) Season and Submission Champion. Her sponsor, LevelxBlack, provides her with gear for both BJJ and wrestling.

In addition to defending her Pan Kids title in late July, Emery has been asked to compete this August at ADCC’s first-ever Kids World Championships in Las Vegas, an invitation-only event. She dreams of making it to the Olympics, potentially in two sports, and opening a gym “to teach others what was taught to me. I want to make my mom and my dad, rest in peace, proud.”

Just the same, Emery has come to enjoy wrestling even more than BJJ. This season alone, she has competed in six RMN tournaments.

“I find wrestling to be more challenging,” she said. “I love a challenge! Training and competition prepare for the high-level competition who come to RMN Events. Their events are my favorite; they are so competitive and full of great people from all over. I further challenge myself by entering several brackets in multiple age groups and weight classes.”

Many coaches have assisted in Emery’s meteoric success, including John Santa Maria, her first wrestling coach, who “introduced me to the fundamentals.” Max Oldenburg, Savage House (Long Beach), is “an amazing coach, and I am grateful for all he taught me.” Strength training coach Kevin Galima of Iron Island “worked on explosiveness and plyometrics to help my coordination.”

Recently, she has had private training sessions with Pete Escandon, “who helped me clean up my technique and coordinate my feet.” Ronald Nunn has also mentored Emery; his son Princeton has won several RMN tournaments, including the 2024 National Championship at 10U 73 lbs. Nunn “offers me mental and physical support.”

 “On top of being very intelligent (she’s a straight ‘A’ student) and coachable,” Escandon said. “Emery is a very caring and empathetic athlete. Although only ten years old, she understands the big picture, puts others in front of her, and is the first person asking if she could help new wrestlers with technique or demonstrating moves. I show her a move, and in three minutes, she is able to show me how to do it … onlybetter.

“Normally, I do not work with younger kids, but she is the exception. Her passion is contagious, which makes everyone around her want to be better. In a world where it is easy to focus on shortcomings or negatives, she continues to not only find a light in the darkness but, most times, be her own light.”

Emery has acquired quite the social media following, where the news of her father’s passing is well known. However, the nature of how he passed is not common knowledge until now. She and Carolina are planning to build upon this foundation to educate youth about suicide and to motivate her peers to participate in National Suicide Prevention Month this September.

Carolina and Emery travel from Compton to train in locations from Southgate to Orange County, including an outdoor site in rural Mendocino County. This isolated environment allows her to train more intentionally. They run on the hills and weightlift out in the open.

Here, even the bears appreciate having outside mats to roll around on; they often leave bear prints behind as they pass through in the night. However, they may not have the courage to come out in the daytime to face Merlos.