FAMILY AFFAIR
Askrens also learned about parenting in teaching sons
The task of being the parent is not easy and it is a role that gets under-appreciated in wrestling. Where coaches, teammates and fans change over the course of a career, parents remain the one constant in a wrestler’s life. This gives parents a direct involvement with every phase a wrestler must face.
Perhaps nobody knows more about the transformation a wrestler must face better than Chuck and Michele Askren: parents of Missouri’s Ben and Max Askren. If there was an award for “Wrestling Parents of the Year,” the Askrens would be near the top of the list. The demanding schedule they have kept, and continue to keep, to w
atch their sons compete has the potential to reach legendary status by the time Max graduates in 2010. Every journey requires a beginning and the first step every wrestling parent must take is to get their son or daughter involved in the sport. This is usually a time where dads and moms give their most animated and vocal support. The feeling a parent has when his or her child wrestles is distinctly different than any sentiment a coach or fan could have because of the strong bond a parent has with his son or daughter at that age.
“It’s very nerve-racking watching a wrestler compete, especially when it’s your son,” said Michele. “It’s such a hard thing to be the parent of a wrestler. I know any parent would say the same thing. That’s just the thing about this sport. It’s probably harder than other sports because of the focus on the individual. If your kids are playing basketball, you know it’s not going to be all on their shoulders if the team loses the game. It’s been hard in that respect because you have to live with their disappointments.”
The formative years also are a period where complaints and advice from parents to coaches and referees run rampant. Oftentimes, parents will assume coaching duties for their son or daughter in practice and at tournaments. This can cause a variety of problems because of the personal nature of the sport … and being a parent in the corner during competition can intensify the emotions that already exist.
Chuck Askren readily admits he was a fanatical parent who offered advice from the corner to his son … and to the referee. As a sideline parent and coach, he often complained about calls that didn’t go his sons’ way. Because there are different emotions attached with being a parent, it was easy to take things more personally when Ben or Max were wrestling.
“I would complain to the refs about calls that should be made,” said Chuck. “I thought the calls should go our way all the time or I was always on (the ref) for not doing something that he should have done. Of course (the refs) were taking it more personal, too, and they were getting more upset than if it was just a coach out there talking to them. They thought I was mad at them. I really wasn’t (mad at them) but it was just the emotions of being a parent coming out.
“When Ben was in fifth grade, I was probably acting up a little bit on the sideline. I had a referee call me over and he had a talk with me and he told me to go sit in the stands. I don’t know why I listened to him that day but I did. The best thing I ever did was I took his advice.
“Very seldom do I go down on the floor now. I’m still vocal and animated but I’m not on the sidelines. Now we’ve grown in the sport where they don’t listen to me any more. I’ve had Ben and Max put their finger over their mouths as a way to say ‘shut up’ because I still get irritated with calls.”
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